If someone would have asked me what I liked about Brazilian Jiu Jitsu when I first started I really would not have known how to answer. From an outside perspective it probably did not look like I was having a good time.
I vividly remember my training partners pinning me in positions and me panicking in almost a black out state, totally spazzing. I would promptly forget the technique we had just drilled and revert to frantically flopping around like a fish out of water, sweaty and panting. I got my ass kicked every day and left physically spent and covered in bruises. I would wake up the next morning with my muscles so stiff and sore that I could barely move.
I vividly remember my training partners pinning me in positions and me panicking in almost a black out state, totally spazzing. I would promptly forget the technique we had just drilled and revert to frantically flopping around like a fish out of water, sweaty and panting. I got my ass kicked every day and left physically spent and covered in bruises. I would wake up the next morning with my muscles so stiff and sore that I could barely move.
Despite all of that, I would wake up every morning with a new feeling of excitement, counting down the hours until that night's class. Work would crawl by and all I could think about was bjj. I couldn't wait to get on the mats every night.
To my surprise, even though I got beat up every day and never pulled off any technique, I never felt defeated. Actually, I felt empowered. Generally, I dislike the use of the word empowered because it has become so cliche. In this case though it is the most fitting word for how bjj makes me feel. Empowered means to "make (someone) stronger and more confident, especially with controlling their life and claiming their rights."
What bjj did was prove that I could take a beating, both physically and mentally and not give up or give in. I discovered that I have mental fortitude much greater than I had realized. When put in a fight or flight situation I am going to fight. Every time. Not many people find this out about themselves and reaffirm it every day.
To my surprise, even though I got beat up every day and never pulled off any technique, I never felt defeated. Actually, I felt empowered. Generally, I dislike the use of the word empowered because it has become so cliche. In this case though it is the most fitting word for how bjj makes me feel. Empowered means to "make (someone) stronger and more confident, especially with controlling their life and claiming their rights."
What bjj did was prove that I could take a beating, both physically and mentally and not give up or give in. I discovered that I have mental fortitude much greater than I had realized. When put in a fight or flight situation I am going to fight. Every time. Not many people find this out about themselves and reaffirm it every day.
This mental fortitude goes beyond the mats and self defense, life or death situations. At the most basic level jiu jitsu is a metaphor for life.
When I get swept I try to land in the best position possible and work to better my position. If I've repeatedly tried a technique and it doesn't work maybe it's time to try something different. There is no "one size fits all" technique that is going to work for every situation every time; I have to adapt my game depending on the size, strength, and skill level of my training partner.
I'm also never going to master everything. There will be some things I'm good at and some things I'm not. I will never be perfect and there is no finish line. It is a sport that is ever evolving and there will always be something new to learn. These are all lessons that are applicable to my daily life outside of the gym.
When I started bjj I was enduring a difficult time in my life. My son was entering high school, needing me less and less and I had closed a business that I had poured my heart and soul into for a number of years. I ended up taking a job making less money than I was before I started college.
These things were a major blow to my ego. I had prided myself on titles and tied my self worth, happiness and identity to those titles. Jiu jitsu came into my life right on time.
To paraphrase Tyler Durden, Jiu jitsu has taught me that I am not my job, I'm not how much money I have in the bank. I am not the car I drive. I'm not a number on a scale or the dress I wear to work.
I am a fighter.
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